I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
