I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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