I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
