Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
