I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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