I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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