Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
