Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
