so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
