Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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