I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
