We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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