Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
