went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
