The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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