turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
