We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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