We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
