Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
