So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I believe in your delicious
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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