Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
