I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
