Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
