just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
