Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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