My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
