So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
