Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
