so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
