your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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