it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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