found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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