and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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