Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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