My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
