Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I've blown a few things in my day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
