my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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