and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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