how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
