so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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