WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
