I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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