I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
