Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
