i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
