so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
