i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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