She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
