i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
