and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
